hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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