Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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