Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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