Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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