Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize