i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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