I'm lost and stupid without you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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