matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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