better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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