Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize