Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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