I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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