doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
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We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
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But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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