my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
MIDGETS
????
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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