i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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