His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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