onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
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There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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