I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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