you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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