got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize