Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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