I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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