I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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