not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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