There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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