I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize