We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize