I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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