one might say we're banned from that church
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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