I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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