toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
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She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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