She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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