Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
