the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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