nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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