Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize