thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize