i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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