just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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