i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize