did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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