Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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