i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
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I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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