Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
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Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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