You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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