I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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