having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dignity is for republicans.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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