y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
pray to the hookup gods
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize