You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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