Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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