woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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